Rethinking “Bad at Business”: Desire & Devotion

I’ve been an “entrepreneur” and “small business owner” for over two years now, and from the beginning I have treated both of these terms like dirty words. I have proclaimed how very bad at business I am, and I when I signed the lease for my third year in business I wondered if this might be the last year that I could maintain the time, energy, and financial support that has sustained The Spiral Goddess Collective. I don’t give up easily, but fear and doubt are insidious feelings.

And then I met Christine Hakkola of Hakkola Horizons and I began to shift how I see my business and the role that I have played in imagining, creating, and sustaining this business. As I described how I came to open The Spiral Goddess Collective and what I am trying to achieve, she immediately understood and echoed back to me that I am running a heart-centered business. I had heard the term, but I had not really stopped to think about what it meant—and, more so, that there was a category of business that fit what I was struggling to conceptualize and sustain every single day.

With Christine’s heart-centered business recognition in the back of my head, a few days later I turned to my oracle cards for clarity and guidance. (Check out my past blog about the "woo-woo" I discovered through my JourneyDance training. And check out our vast collection of oracle and tarot cards!)

When I first drew the Desire and Devotion cards from The Awakened Soul oracle deck, I was struck by their romantic and sexual overtones. After all, I had asked what I needed to keep in mind as I take the next steps on my business journey. Two people locked in an embrace and two ballet dancers locked in a dance were not exactly what I expected.

But one of the things I love best about oracle cards is that the meaning is always more than the surface appearance. And, in this case, the two cards that I drew—that were stuck together and fell out of the deck and into my lap—could not be more accurate to the juncture where I found myself in need of insight and guidance.
And these two oracle cards—Desire and Devotion—also echoed this heart-centered understanding.*

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Desire—passion, fire, connection, motivation
Desire is the driving and motivating factor that helps us complete creative work and bring new things to life. What is important is the “why” of the work we do. On this particular card, two individuals’ passions are aligned with a desire for connection, success, and feeling that spirals upward. If you feel it in your body, the card proclaims, you can create it in your life.

The Spiral Goddess Collective emerged from an embodied vision and the why has always been embedded in passion and fire: because I can’t not follow this dream of bringing embodied movement and opportunities for healing and transformation to my community.

And the shadow meaning—abandoning dreams & goals—is exactly what I had been grappling with.
Desire is further clarified through Devotion—discipline, commitment, loyalty, and support.

It is no surprise that this card features two ballet dancers who have been devoted to their art (a field where success is found when completely committed), working together and separately with open hearts. While dance is something very different to me—embodied, empowered, transformative movement—I am just as devoted to my art.

The card description reminds us that when we devote ourselves to something—when we allow ourselves permission to do what we love and what we need to do—it often takes more work and commitment than we thought it would. Heard. It’s exhausting and overwhelming to keep stoking that fire.

More importantly, I need to remember how much loyalty and support I have found trough The Spiral Goddess Collective Community. My commitment to this dream isn’t only a commitment to myself. Here, the shadow meaning of the card comes into play: giving up when things get hard, letting people down, not following your purpose.

Devotion is living a passionate life, being who you really are and shining fully in the world. And the kicker: Don’t be afraid to allow others to see what you are capable of. This is certainly a fear I struggle with as I often downplay my success and all that I have achieved—in my head and in my interactions with the world.

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As I read and pondered these two cards, once again, the synchronicities on this path are difficult to deny. I have always been driven by desire and devotion, even if I have not used these two words to describe my dreams and ambitions. (Ambition has also been one of those dirty business words.) I often describe this drive and ambition as “positive obsession” (a concept that comes from Octavia Butler). I have often wondered where my energy, commitment, and discipline come from.

I have experienced fear when I have shown my light too brightly. I have doubted and dimmed and dumbed myself down. I have refused to give up and have worried about letting people down, especially those who believe in me and who have supported me in this Collective dream.

So, message received. Rather than abandon my dreams, giving up when things get hard, letting myself and others down, and not following my purpose, I have to recommit to myself by investing in my business, which is also investing in myself. I need coaching. I need someone who can help to guide me along my path, who understands my goals and dreams and is just as devoted to her art as I am to mine.

I am grateful that my path has led me to Hakkola Horizons and I am excited to discover where this heart-centered journey of desire and devotion will take me—but not just me, the entire Spiral Goddess Collective Community... and beyond!
 
*I paraphrase from these cards though some of these phrases should definitely be in quote marks!