On Softening, Striving, and Coming Back to the Why

Sometimes we push so hard—toward excellence, toward growth, toward getting it “right”—because we’ve been taught that pressure is the only path forward. That perfection is the goal. That holding it all together is the only way to succeed.

And in that hustle, we lose track of why we started.

Like a business.

The grind culture we live in—patriarchal, capitalist, white supremacist—is loud. Its messages sneak in even when we don’t consciously believe them. Even when we know better.

And still, they shape how we measure our worth. How we hold ourselves. How we move.

Sometimes we push so hard, we forget what it feels like to flow.

We forget to soften.

And then we beat ourselves up for not practicing the very things we preach. We share words about rest, embodiment, and letting go—while gripping tightly to the edges of our own unraveling.

I say we because I know I’m not alone. But right now, I’m writing about me.

I’m reminding myself:

It’s okay to cry.

To break down.

To not know.

To ask for help—and to receive it.

To remember.

To imagine.

To shift, change, and course-correct.

I have to give myself that permission. Because if I can’t soften into a new way of being, how can I expect anyone to trust me to hold space for them to do the same?

I don’t lead because I have it all figured out. I lead because I’m walking this path with the people I serve.
I teach, facilitate, and create—not from a place of mastery, but from a place of humility, practice, and love.
Still, I carry the exhaustion.

The ache.

The self-doubt.

The old stories.

The trauma.

I tuck it down instead of letting it rise, breathe, and move through me.

I push forward when I most need to pause. I strive hardest when I’m nearing burnout. I cling to the vision when I should be leaning into support.

But here’s the truth I’m learning:

In building Spiral Studio, I’ve also built a space for myself.

A community that lifts me up while holding me accountable.

A container for healing that includes me.

This space reminds me to practice what I offer.

To receive what I so freely give.

To stop just holding it all—and be held.

Because yes, I created Spiral Studio to serve others.

But I also created it for myself.

I’m part of this community.

And I deserve to be nourished by it, too.

So, as I continue to do the work, here’s your invitation:

Take a breath.
Loosen your grip.

Let something soften.

You don’t have to earn your rest. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin—right where you are.
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✨ Come as you are. Be real. Be rooted. Move—and be moved.