Stepping into a new space and/or a new activity is scary, stepping into a new life—a new version of you—is seemingly impossible. Until it’s not.
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We are each on our own healing journey, and to heal—and thrive—we need to be with ourselves. But lasting, transformative healing is bolstered, supported, and sustained by, and in, community.

On my own journey, as an introvert, and from amidst a sea of shame and fear, the need to ask for help and the need to connect to a community felt impossible. It was difficult to face the truth that connections with other people are key to healing, let alone embrace this fact.

What I have learned about trauma and healing is that we have to move our bodies and learn practical tools for emotional regulation. And we need to participate in mind/body, somatic, embodied practices consistently—yoga and dance are the most impactful practices for me.

There is no magical pill or one and done miracles; there is only hard work. And it’s worth it.

While there are many approaches to healing, to movement, to embodiment—the practices that we offer at The Spiral Goddess Collective are thoughtfully designed and curated toward sustaining healing and transformation. Our community—and the classes and workshops that we offer—welcome each individual just as they are, providing tools and resources and a brave space for exploration.

​But you have to be willing to take that leap...

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I survived for decades using yoga and dance as a way to mitigate my trauma and attempt to stay sane, but it wasn’t until I started to better understand trauma and embodiment that I was able to actually start to heal and transform—to stop using these practices as a way to avoid myself and to use them as a way to connect to myself.

The way I practiced and taught dance and yoga transformed as well.

Talk therapy helped and daily yoga and dance practices helped, but JourneyDance was a game changer in so many ways. Training to be a JourneyDance facilitator was something that I did for myself, but now it is something that I am driven to share with others, especially those who don’t know that they need this kind of medicine or those who fear what embodiment might bring.

We need practices designed to help us ground, center, explore, and release.

We need a brave container and a supportive community—space and support.

And we need consistency. We need to return to the dance floor or the yoga mat (or, ideally, both!) over and over again. We return to ourselves again and again, finding love and compassion for ourselves.

And each time we do, we not only experience the benefits of these somatic, embodied practices, we also build resilience, access joy, flex our muscle memory, and create new pathways in our brains. We become mentally and physically stronger, more embodied, more self-regulated, and more able to respond rather than react to the stress in our lives and the chaos in our world.

The path toward healing and transformation is long and winding. There is no magical destination, but there is comfort and ease and a better quality of life.

So, if you are standing at the edge of the precipice—frozen and frazzled and fearful and insecure, numbing your senses (with alcohol or drugs or social media scrolling or shopping or whatever) because you don’t know what else to do (and because this is the norm of our culture)—maybe it’s time to take that leap. It feels impossible, but once we do, we find that it’s just what we didn’t know we were looking for.

I’ve been an “entrepreneur” and “small business owner” for over two years now, and from the beginning I have treated both of these terms like dirty words. I have proclaimed how very bad at business I am, and I when I signed the lease for my third year in business I wondered if this might be the last year that I could maintain the time, energy, and financial support that has sustained The Spiral Goddess Collective. I don’t give up easily, but fear and doubt are insidious feelings.

And then I met Christine Hakkola of Hakkola Horizons and I began to shift how I see my business and the role that I have played in imagining, creating, and sustaining this business. As I described how I came to open The Spiral Goddess Collective and what I am trying to achieve, she immediately understood and echoed back to me that I am running a heart-centered business. I had heard the term, but I had not really stopped to think about what it meant—and, more so, that there was a category of business that fit what I was struggling to conceptualize and sustain every single day.

With Christine’s heart-centered business recognition in the back of my head, a few days later I turned to my oracle cards for clarity and guidance. (Check out my past blog about the "woo-woo" I discovered through my JourneyDance training. And check out our vast collection of oracle and tarot cards!)

When I first drew the Desire and Devotion cards from The Awakened Soul oracle deck, I was struck by their romantic and sexual overtones. After all, I had asked what I needed to keep in mind as I take the next steps on my business journey. Two people locked in an embrace and two ballet dancers locked in a dance were not exactly what I expected.

But one of the things I love best about oracle cards is that the meaning is always more than the surface appearance. And, in this case, the two cards that I drew—that were stuck together and fell out of the deck and into my lap—could not be more accurate to the juncture where I found myself in need of insight and guidance.
And these two oracle cards—Desire and Devotion—also echoed this heart-centered understanding.*

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Desire—passion, fire, connection, motivation
Desire is the driving and motivating factor that helps us complete creative work and bring new things to life. What is important is the “why” of the work we do. On this particular card, two individuals’ passions are aligned with a desire for connection, success, and feeling that spirals upward. If you feel it in your body, the card proclaims, you can create it in your life.

The Spiral Goddess Collective emerged from an embodied vision and the why has always been embedded in passion and fire: because I can’t not follow this dream of bringing embodied movement and opportunities for healing and transformation to my community.

And the shadow meaning—abandoning dreams & goals—is exactly what I had been grappling with.
Desire is further clarified through Devotion—discipline, commitment, loyalty, and support.

It is no surprise that this card features two ballet dancers who have been devoted to their art (a field where success is found when completely committed), working together and separately with open hearts. While dance is something very different to me—embodied, empowered, transformative movement—I am just as devoted to my art.

The card description reminds us that when we devote ourselves to something—when we allow ourselves permission to do what we love and what we need to do—it often takes more work and commitment than we thought it would. Heard. It’s exhausting and overwhelming to keep stoking that fire.

More importantly, I need to remember how much loyalty and support I have found trough The Spiral Goddess Collective Community. My commitment to this dream isn’t only a commitment to myself. Here, the shadow meaning of the card comes into play: giving up when things get hard, letting people down, not following your purpose.

Devotion is living a passionate life, being who you really are and shining fully in the world. And the kicker: Don’t be afraid to allow others to see what you are capable of. This is certainly a fear I struggle with as I often downplay my success and all that I have achieved—in my head and in my interactions with the world.

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As I read and pondered these two cards, once again, the synchronicities on this path are difficult to deny. I have always been driven by desire and devotion, even if I have not used these two words to describe my dreams and ambitions. (Ambition has also been one of those dirty business words.) I often describe this drive and ambition as “positive obsession” (a concept that comes from Octavia Butler). I have often wondered where my energy, commitment, and discipline come from.

I have experienced fear when I have shown my light too brightly. I have doubted and dimmed and dumbed myself down. I have refused to give up and have worried about letting people down, especially those who believe in me and who have supported me in this Collective dream.

So, message received. Rather than abandon my dreams, giving up when things get hard, letting myself and others down, and not following my purpose, I have to recommit to myself by investing in my business, which is also investing in myself. I need coaching. I need someone who can help to guide me along my path, who understands my goals and dreams and is just as devoted to her art as I am to mine.

I am grateful that my path has led me to Hakkola Horizons and I am excited to discover where this heart-centered journey of desire and devotion will take me—but not just me, the entire Spiral Goddess Collective Community... and beyond!
 
*I paraphrase from these cards though some of these phrases should definitely be in quote marks!

At our 2-year anniversary, as we take stock of where we’ve been, we are also looking toward the future and thinking about what we want The Spiral Goddess Collective to be. We have grown enough that we can begin to shape our offerings—especially our events, workshops, and projects—around the central tenants of embodiment, movement, connection, empowerment, and transformation.
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We want everything that we offer, from meditation to dance to yoga to events—everything that we put our time and our hearts, minds, and bodies into—the be centered around embodiment. Embodiment connects our mind, body, heart, and spirit. It allows us to feel and perceive with all of our senses. It requires us to pause, to slow down, to experience our whole body and whole being. It helps us to live more authentically.

In our culture, it is not easy to be in our bodies. So much in our lives keeps us disconnected from ourselves, separated from each other, and chasing myths. We live in our heads, and on our devices, sometimes forgetting that we even have a body, except when it inconveniences us, or when it is a body devalued and devoured by our systems and structures, or when we don’t have the resources or support to live fully in our bodies.

To be embodied is to live fully and freely and it is not easy. Like anything else—healing, learning, connecting—embodiment is a non-linear process. The embodied practices that we offer are somatic—they encourage us to embrace our wholeness as well as our interconnectedness. We focus on the process and the present moment, not the desired end result. We focus on how we feel, not how we look.

While any activity can be done mindfully, in embodied ways, with somatic approaches, what we offer are mind/body practices that help us to be more mindful, embodied, and somatic in everything we do. We offer a safe and supportive space, a beautiful space with a view—a sanctuary for our practice.

We encourage embodied, somatic movement because we all move too little. We sit and work. We sit and play. We sit and rest. We sit and we don’t move our bodies enough. And when we do move, we often do so in ways that punish our bodies. We want to encourage freedom of movement, joy in movement, pleasure in movement—movement for mind, body, and spirit. Move and Be Moved!

We encourage authentic connections to ourselves and to others. We spiral in to know ourselves better and we spiral out to connect with our community. Many of us are introverts. We come to SGC because it is a safe space to be ourselves and engage with others in a space that is held and curated for both introspection and interaction.

We empower people to replace old stories and old patterns, old ways of thinking and being, with new stories, new patterns, new ideas, new movements of the mind and body. We want to tap into our power to heal ourselves and to live more fully and more authentically. We want to remind ourselves that we are powerful beings in so many ways.

And we transform ourselves to transform the world. We want to embrace change, to roll with it, to find new opportunities to move and breathe and learn and grow.

When I opened SGC, I had a vision of a Collective. I knew if I built it, they would come. And many people who need what we offer have found us. We have positively impacted so many lives, including our own. At our September Radical Careworkers meeting, Kate was talking about how one of the things that she loves about the work she does for SGC is that she is able to give and receive. She is able to offer her curated movement and meditation practices, and she has been able to grow personally and professionally through the programs that she has attended and the mentoring she has received.
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This is exactly what I wanted for SGC to do and be. And as Kate was talking, I realized that this is exactly the benefit that I get as well. I have learned and grown so much from both the embodied movement experiences that I curate and facilitate as well as from the events that I attend at the SGC. We have so many talented curators and teachers and what we offer is, I think, unique in our community and maybe even beyond.

It is easy for me to give, but it is often nearly impossible for me to receive. I am working on that. At that same Radical Careworkers meeting, I angsted about the pressures of “owning” SGC, which comes with a lot of financial stress and obligations. I try not to let it get to me. I try to stay focused on the fact that SGC is my community service, my laboratory, and my art studio. Still, it is difficult to carry all the weight all of the time. In addition to managing the entire enterprise, I teach 4 to 5 times a week and I do not pay myself. All of the money I make from teaching goes directly back into the business.

I am fortunate to have support from SGC curators and teachers as well as the regular feedback and reinforcement from many of our community members who remind us that the SGC makes a difference in the lives of our Collective Community. So, thank you!

And in the spirit of keeping the doors open for another year (and growing into all we want to become!), we also thought it would be nice if we gave our Collective Community an opportunity to more directly support our mission and vision—an opportunity to give a little extra if you are able to. What you give need not be financial, though we certainly appreciate financial support!

Here are a few things you can do that don’t cost any money (and during our October celebration we will offer 20% off of any purchase if you do any of the following):
Post a review on Google Business telling people about what you love about SGC

Bring a friend. Their first class is free. You can even send them the promo code on your fitDEGREE profile to help us track the connections our community makes.

Make a commitment to share our Fb or Instagram posts for a week (or more!)

Tell your coworkers about what we offer or ask your workplace to support the well-being of their employees by opting into one of our new Professional Development Packages

Attend our 2-yr Anniversary Celebration on Saturday, October 12 from 4:00-6:00pm

If you have extra money to give, you can contribute to help supplement the many operating costs:
If you pay an extra $5 a month, you help us pay for a month’s worth of toilet paper

If you pay an extra $10 a month, you help us pay for ½ hour of cleaning

If you pay an extra $15 a month, you help us pay for 10% of the monthly cost for the fitDEGREE App

If you pay an extra $20 a month, you help us pay for 3 months of ginger chews

If you pay an extra $25 a month, you help us pay for a month of internet access in our space or a month’s access to Canva where we design our advertising and social media posts.
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We are so grateful for all that we receive through our work. We are grateful that we can give back so much to our community. We want to keep on giving and growing… and it’s good to receive your support as well! Just reach out or stop by if you have any questions about how you can give back or pay it forward.

As I take a moment to reflect on what we have accomplished at The Spiral Goddess Collective in the two years since we opened, I am overwhelmed. It’s always good to look back and take stock. Because there is so much that I want to do, it is easy for me to forget the magnitude and depth of what I have done. And what we have done together is even more powerful!

We have offered a wide variety of weekly classes, unique workshops, and dynamic events and we have solidified our mission and vision as a community center that offers trauma-informed yoga, dance, meditation, and embodied movement.*

Since we started using the fitDEGREE app, 314 people have attended our weekly classes and events.**

We have awarded approximately 25 SGCCF scholarships for 5 free weekly classes (a value of approx. $1800)

We have given approximately $1500 of sliding scale discounts on events since February

We have supported other community organizations and causes:
We have donated money to OUT Maine, The Together Place, HEAL (Health Equity Alliance), Downtown Bangor, Third Space/Bangor African Festival, Wabanaki Health Alliance, Tandem Mobility, and Robinson Ballet.

We have donated time and services to Partners for Peace, PACE alternative sentencing program, UMA-Bangor, Maine Women’s Lobby, Bangor Chamber of Commerce, UMaine CHAARG, UMaine Black Bear Mutual Aid Fund, MAPIL (Maine Association for Public Interest Law).

And all of this is only what my not-so-perfect record keeping reflects. Our weekly class schedule has grown and we are regularly reminded about the positive impact that we have made in people’s lives.

We are asking you to help us celebrate our 2-year anniversary through attendance at our special events on October 12th (Art + Transformation open house) and October 19th (Radical Careworkers with a special offering from artist Edner Fago and an opportunity for chakra-inspired, transformative art through embodied movement). We also have a variety of special deals and opportunities, with more exciting events coming in November!

​I appreciate all of the support from our community, and I hope that all of you will help us to not only keep the doors open, but to serve more of our community for years to come!***
 
*We will be sharing more information about our mission and vision over the month of October (and beyond). Did you know that our website is a rabbit hole of information about who we are and what we do? I update it as often as I can to reflect our growth and evolution.
**Did you know that you can use the fitDEGREE app to: communicate directly with our curators and teachers, purchase a class or event for a friend or family member, register for your favorite classes ahead of time?
***My second blog in this 3-part anniversary blog series has ideas on how you can help us to survive and flourish.

The Spiral Goddess Collective stands as a beacon of Radical Community, a space where diversity, inclusivity, and empowerment are found at the heart of everything we do. Rooted in feminist principles and the celebration of divine feminine qualities such as collaboration, compassion, empathy and flow, we aim to challenge oppressive structures and foster a community where all individuals can thrive authentically. Cultivating a radical community within this unique space involves intentional practices that uphold our core values and drive meaningful change for our minds, bodies, spirits, and the world around us.
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At the Spiral Goddess Collective, we embrace intersectional feminism, recognizing that wellness and healing deeply intersect with race, class, disability, sexuality, gender, and other aspects of identity. We offer something to our community that is rarely found in other places and spaces dedicated to fitness, wellness, dance, or yoga—a space that is inclusive of all bodies and identities, not just in word, but in practice. Our approach to yoga, movement, and community is queer—unconventional, radical, inclusive, trauma-informed, creative, and deeply rooted in connection.

Radical queerness is about more than identity—it’s a revolutionary approach to life that questions and subverts traditional norms and binaries. In the quest for authentic healing and personal growth, embracing radical queerness offers a powerful catalyst for transformation. Radical queerness goes beyond the surface-level acceptance of LGBTQ+ identities; it challenges normative assumptions, disrupts oppressive structures, and celebrates the full spectrum of human experience. By integrating radical queerness into our communities, we foster environments that are truly inclusive, dynamic, and just.

Radical inclusivity is the foundation of the Spiral Goddess Collective. It involves creating a space where all identities are honored and celebrated, and where diversity is seen as a source of strength rather than division. Cultivating radical inclusivity at the Spiral Goddess Collective involves a multifaceted approach that embraces all body sizes, gender identities, sexual orientations, abilities, and socioeconomic class levels. By fostering a space where all individuals are empowered to be their authentic selves and to work towards a more equitable world, we serve as role models for radical community building. Through our intentional practices and unwavering commitment to these core values, the Spiral Goddess Collective not only enriches the lives of its members but also contributes to the broader movement for social change.

Cultivating relationships and connection outside the arrangements that our current culture presents to us can be a radical act in and of itself. Here, we recognize and emphasize the importance of interconnectedness, recognizing that true community is built on radical acceptance, radical inclusivity, and the authentic celebration of diversity. We recognize that diversity is not just about representation; it's about cultivating a community where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and contribute to the collective well-being. We invite you to come as you are and to discover that you are so much more than you’ve been allowed to be. We invite you to start healing your wounds so that together, we can participate in healing the systems and structures that cause these wounds. Transformative healing happens form the inside out and the outside in. When we move our minds/bodies together, we are stronger—we are a collective of power and potential!

In addition to radically queer yoga, dance, meditation, and mind-body movement, we imagine our space as one of boundless possibility, where differences are not merely tolerated but cherished as vital components of a vibrant and dynamic community. In January, we initiated our Radical Careworkers Coven, bringing area healthcare practitioners, healers, and careworkers, together for networking and support. And here we are, co-creating CommuniTea Connections, embodying the essence of community building through the shared ritual of tea. Tea rituals, steeped in tradition and mindfulness, provide a space for individuals to engage in meaningful conversations, share personal stories, and build relationships across diverse backgrounds.  This initiative brings people together in a serene and welcoming environment, where the simple act of brewing and sharing tea becomes a powerful tool for fostering connection and understanding.

My personal hope is that opening space for these rituals and connections will help foster and  encourage connection, diversity, inclusivity, personal growth and empowerment. My hope is to provide a safe space, a brave space, to explore one’s identity, express oneself freely and authentically, and regularly reflect on progress so that together we can create vibrant, resilient, and enriched space where everyone feels valued and empowered. By creating these intentional gatherings, CommuniTea Connections promotes a sense of belonging and solidarity, transforming the communal tea experience into a cornerstone of vibrant, understanding, and radically inclusive communities.

Even though I am relatively successful, I can’t help but feel like I am bad at business. In October of 2022, I opened The Spiral Goddess Collective, a Center for Mind/Body Movement. I cringe when I am referred to as the owner. I want to jump out of my skin when someone calls me an entrepreneur. Both of those terms are accurate, but they don’t feel like a good fit. They make me feel dirty, manipulative, and like an imposter.
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I call the business of The Spiral Goddess Collective a not-for-profit because this too is an accurate term, even if it is not sanctioned by the world of business as such. My tax man instructed me that I have to make profit, otherwise the IRS will see my business as a hobby. But my definition of profit is different. I make profit so that I can give back to my community.
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My business is not-for-profit because everything that I earn goes back into the business. While I pay a portion of the money that comes in to the instructors and curators who teach classes and hold events, the money that comes in from the classes that I teach goes directly to business expenses (rent, internet, supplies, printing, software, etc) and my full-time job supplements the costs of operating The SGC. I don’t (yet?!) make money through my business, but we keep growing! Maybe someday I will make back my initial investments in this grand experiment, this dream, this community hub for embodiment and connection.

The Spiral Goddess Collective is a business, but it is also my community service and my activism. It is my laboratory and my art studio that complements my academic work as a Professor of Transdisciplinary Cultural Studies. It is where I put theory into practice. The classes I teach and the workshops and events I offer are a part of this, but providing a space for others to offer their classes, events, and workshops is another big part. And providing this space and all of our offerings to our community at Pay What You Can/Sliding Scale prices is the whole.

My university views my work at The SGC as a conflict of interest, and I have been trying to make the argument that this conflict is actually a benefit to the university, the community, and to our students. But the truth and reality of what The Spiral Goddess Collective is and what it does is not in alignment with policies written to attempt to limit greed, exploitation, and business as usual.
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My mother told me that I should not tell people that I am bad at business. Maybe it is not that I am bad at business as much as it is that I don’t like to play by the rules that most businesses play by—the rules set by capitalism and intertwined with other oppressive systems and structures.

And there are some business things I am pretty good at. In less than two years I have learned two different class management software systems. I’ve learned how to use a variety of other software programs and how to navigate a maze of aspects related to owning a business. I have built upon my skills, experience, and knowledge from my dual careers in academia and the world of fitness. I am highly organized and really good at making and managing schedules. I’m pretty good at website design and social media and program development. I’m good at communicating and valuing people. I can do a lot with very little and I am a multitasker in all things, but there are a lot of details to manage.

There are too many things that I want to do for the business, but time is never on my side. Thus, the biggest reason that I am bad at business is that I have a full-time job as a professor—the kind of job that has no boundaries and a million expectations (and is particularly dangerous for people-pleasing overachievers who tend to lack boundaries!). It is the kind of job that can never be left at work; it always follows me home.

My “real job” bleeds over into my work at The Spiral Goddess Collective, and it has threatened my health and well-being many times over the years. My job in academia is one of the reasons why I teach movement, dance, yoga, and fitness classes and preach self-care and embodied social justice. It is an attempt to find balance.
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In my work at The SGC, I’ve tried not to confuse my desire to provide access with the martyrdom that sometimes comes along with preaching Pay What You Can/Sliding Scale options and offering full and partial scholarships. I want to offer everything for free, but there are bills to pay and friends in the business have told me that people can’t wrap their heads around free. Free means that something has no value. Free means that they are unlikely to invest in themselves. Free means that I don’t value my own worth.

And what they tell me is evident in our culture: too many people want to buy into myths about weight loss. They want to be told that they can reach all of their impossible goals. They want to know how many calories they will burn; they want to see the results on their Fitbit or Apple watch. They want it all to be quick and easy. They want to punish themselves. They want to fit in and they want to stand out. They want superficial transformation—a body to envy. This is not what we are offering.

I want to have more faith in people. I want to think that there is a different way of doing fitness and business as usual.

And I think that we are beginning to see cultural shifts that will make what we offer at The Spiral Goddess Collective more valuable. I think that people are tired and need more rest and relaxation, deeper restoration, and support for their mind/body/spirit. I think people are disconnected—from themselves and from each other—and that they are looking for authentic connections and opportunities for embodiment. I think that people are searching for meaning and purpose and that they are looking for something different than fitness as usual and business as usual.
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For all of the struggles, my work at The Spiral Goddess Collective makes me happy. Teaching what I want to teach, the way I want to teach it, in line with my principles and values, and supporting other people’s teaching makes me happy. When I opened The SGC I envisioned it as a collective and it has become more and more of a collective every month. I have generous, supportive instructors and curators who often give their time, money, and energy as well. And we have grateful members of our collective (aka: clients, participants, customers) who love our space, our vision, our mission, and our offerings. I am grateful for all of the people who make The SGC what it is—a unique center for mind/body movement.

I want to believe that there are ways of doing business as not so usual, and I see the evidence of this possibility every day.